Kurt Russel III
A great ass.
Kurt Russel III’s story begins in the fertile fields of Vallos. As a wild, young donkey he often wandered freely in the Vallosian fields, often eating whatever tasty vegetables he could find. He was wont to chase after the hot lady donkeys; he was and is, after all, the studliest of donkeys. But this life left Kurt feeling empty and unfulfilled. Seeking something more for life, Kurt set out to find a companion that would be able to provide him with endless adventure and match his mega awesome manly qualities. After sailing to Jeros (just one of his many fine qualities), he encountered an exuberant young Marco de Medici. Marco’s lady-getting skills, shrewd business sense, and sailing abilities perfectly complemented Kurt’s amazing wingman talents, substantial lady-getting skills, sailing talent, and love of carrying vast amounts of valuable trading goods. It was the perfect match.
After testing each others friendship potential with a three month booze cruise / debauchery fest, they immediately decided they were ssbff’s (that’s super studly best friends forever in case you were curious). Ever since, Kurt has been at Marco’s side through thick and thin, in brothel and palace, over mountains and seas…you know, super awesome friend stuff. Anyways, Kurt is still one hot piece of man ass and now he has the motivational drive to achieve his dream of becoming the first internationally recognized love guru.